He flipped my perspectives on their head.
I had known moms in the past who had babies in the NICU. And out of genuine concern I’d say things like “If you need anything, let me know!” But I don’t think I’ve ever had anyone respond with how I could help, so I assumed they didn’t need anything.
Wrong. So wrong.
During our trials of having our little one at the NICU, I found myself in the same situation as those other mothers. And whenever I received a plethora of generous offers of “Let me know if you need anything.” I struggled the most. Even though I was in need, I didn’t know how to communicate those needs. And mostly because I was too overwhelmed with pumping milk for my baby, figuring out the NICU schedule, trying to sleep, figuring out how to be a mom, and struggling with postpartum depression.
So how did God bring good from this seemingly depressing story? I experienced what it felt like to feel alone. I now knew what it felt like to have a child in the hospital. I knew what it felt like to become a first time… very anxious momma! Birthed out of all that pain was a deeper understanding of what it feels like to go through an incredibly hard trial. Empathy.
I’ve made some changes in my life since those experiences and I’d like to ask you to consider doing the same the next time you catch yourself saying (like I’ve said so many times in the past): “If you need anything, let me know!"
If you have a friend who just gave birth, or has a kid in the NICU, or has a child in the hospital… here are some of the things you can do:
1. Bring a meal. Leave it in disposable containers that don’t need to be returned.
2. Buy hospital meal vouchers. You can often call the hospital and pay over the phone for meal vouchers to be brought up to a patient’s room. This works great especially if you aren’t close enough to personally visit.
3. Call them and ask “How are you doing?” And then just listen.
4. Don’t ever say “Let me know if you ever need anything” but instead think of something to do and then do it. Even if it is just sending balloons or flowers.
I hope this post can help you gain what I gained… empathy and the tools to be a blessing during someone’s hardships. I know we all mean well and sometimes we’re simply at a loss for how to help. But just showing up can mean the world of difference to someone going through a trial.
