Saturday, November 16, 2013

For my single friends...

The fireworks are still going off in my marriage.

I've only been married for one year and four months so I certainly don't feel as though I've got all the answers, but I wanted to write in response to a few things I've been seeing on Facebook recently. Mainly, married people giving their [not-so-positive] advice to single folks. I want to start off this blog though by saying it isn't for married folks. This is for those who are single. If you are married and reading this, then I fear that you will read to the end of my blog and feel compelled to leave a comment disagreeing with me, destroying what I'm trying to accomplish by posting this. And so, if your married, it may be better for you not to read, because this isn't written for your benefit.

When I was single, while I was dating, and especially when I was engaged, I received a plethora of advice and comments from married folks. Some of it was life-saving but the rest of it made me wonder if I even wanted to get married. I'd hear things like "marriage is so hard" or "love is blind and marriage is an eye-opener" or folks would make comments to my fiance like "Say goodbye to your freedom. A girl will rule your life now." Others felt the need to tell me to enjoy the romance while it lasted. While many of their comments and jokes were perhaps well-meaning, it was a huge discouragement to me. I heard more negative remarks about marriage than positive ones. I can count on one hand how many comments I heard like "Marriage is great! You'll love it!".

When I was a teenager, everyone expected I would rebel from my parents because that is what teenagers do. Well, I didn't. Now that I was getting married it seemed as though it was expected that my marriage would be rough, romance wouldn't last, and I'd have to say goodbye to freedom. Well, that didn't happen either.

I want to tell all of my single friends right now… I love being married! I wouldn't go back to being single for anything. Here is what my marriage is really like:

Sure there are hard times, but every relationship and friendship has hard times! The best thing about being committed to someone is that you know even through the hard times, they'll be sticking with you throughout it. Really, I'd say that the hard times have only drawn me closer and deeper in love with my husband.

Has romance died at all? Not a bit. Sure it is a little different now. We aren't constantly going on dates and doing surprises for each other. Romance instead is a daily routine. Really, I believe it is better than all those wonderful dates and surprises. Each day, he gives me that smile that says I'm the most beautiful girl he has ever seen. Every day, he opens the doors for me. Every day, he kisses me on the forehead as I'm falling asleep. When I am sick, he has me sit on the couch as he runs back and forth from the kitchen, asking me questions on how to cook dinner for us. When it is cold outside, he'll make sure to start the car up early so it is warm for the ride to work. He serves me because he loves me. Tell me that isn't romantic!

Has my freedom been taken away? Jody made a comment the other day that even though he can't do everything like he did when he was a bachelor, he feels like there is so much more he can do now because of marriage. In many ways, you gain freedom! You have the freedom to share your hopes, dreams, and struggles with a person who is committed to you for life. What you lose is nothing in comparison to what you gain! It is a wonderful feeling.

So single folks, don't let married folks discourage you or make you fear marriage. It is wonderful when you've married someone who is truly committed to you for life. The only advice I'd give you is to serve God and each other. Romance, hard times, and freedom are a breeze when you've got Jesus.

Married folks, I'm sure many of you read this despite my discretion not to. Since you are going to comment anyways… please just write something you enjoy and love about marriage. Single folks hear so many of all the negativities of marriage. Encourage my single friends by telling them that a good and wonderful marriage is possible. Surely I'm not the only one who loves being married!

1 comment:

  1. Because you are both serving Jesus and each other, you have a solid and blessed marriage. I'm so happy for you both; your joy blesses others as well (me) !!

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